Sunday, October 9, 2011

Week 1

First Doctor's Appointment
Weight - 7lbs (26 percentile)
Length - 20 inches (52 percentile)
Head Circumference - 13.3 cm (13 percentile)
- We obviously have a little peanut.  Long and tiny!

Dr. R says Muppet is looking good.  He still has a little jaundice, but apparently the normal amount of jaundice for a baby Muppet's age.
No shots for Muppet, but J and I both got the T-DaP.   Our arms were so sore for days after!



 Brit Milah

On Sunday, 8 days after his birth, friends and family from across the country joined us in celebrating  Muppet's Brit Milah. The bris has three main parts - the baby naming, the circumcision, and like any good Jewish ceremony - the food.

The Rabbi who married us performed the naming ceremony. Because of this we headed to my mom's house for the bris.  It was Muppet's first road trip and he slept the whole way.  He tends to do that whenever he's put in the car.  During the naming ceremony, the Rabbi spoke of my father, for whom Muppet was named. Muppet shares both my dad's first name as his middle name, as well as my dad's hebrew name.  Following the brit milah, we took Muppet over to the cemetery where my father is buried so my dad could get a chance to "meet" the baby.


After the naming ceremony, the circumcision was performed by a Mohel. Our Rabbi recommended a couple in the area. We decided not to take chances with our little boy and went with the one who is also the Associate Director of Pediatric Urology at a prominent local hospital.  Muppet was a trooper throughout the whole thing.  Don't get me wrong - he cried.  He wailed.  But as soon as the cutting stopped, so did he.  And he's been really good ever since.


After the circumcision 3 generations surrounded Muppet for a blessing. And then we ate and celebrated while all our family got the chance to meet and hold Muppet.  Again, he was an amazing sport for this and was on his best behavior all day.  No crying, just taking in everything and everyone.


Total weight gain/loss (me): +1
Total weight gain/loss (Muppet): - 3 oz
Next Appointment: Wednesday, October 12
Sleep:  I joke that I'm still getting 8 hours of sleep, it's just taking me 12 hours to get them!  I think I'm sleeping better than when pregnant.  I'm getting up about every 2 hours but when I'm asleep, I am completely out.  And I'm not getting up at 6, so I get in those extra hours I'm losing during the mornings.
Best moment this week: Having Muppet meet the family!
Milestones:   
*First Doctor's Appointment
* Circumcision
* We've been going on daily outings.  Muppet uses this time to catch up on his beauty sleep.  At this rate, he's going to be quite the looker.

  
Sometimes we take him down to the trail in his stroller.  







But for errands we've been using a carrier.  J models our Pikkolo

Sunday, October 2, 2011

39 weeks

The Birth Story

 On Friday when I went in for my 39 week visit the nurse was taking my blood pressure and we started talking about possible induction dates, given that I was 39 weeks and had made zero progress.  The baby was still relatively high, my cervix was "semi-firm" and I hadn't dilated at all.  I was talking about wanting to wait until after Yom Kippur on the 8th and the nurse looked at me and said "I think today is a great day for an induction." 

"Not today!" I said.  "Let's at least wait till after the due date." 

That's when the nurse informed me that my blood pressure was 150/90.  Prepregnancy my blood pressure was usually 106-110/65.  During pregnancy it's been around 116/75.   This jump in blood pressure worried my doctor.  She wanted to send me in for an induction since I was so close and she was afraid I was developing pre-e.  But because my cervix was totally not ready for labor she sent me to triage for some tests and monitoring. 

We went home, grabbed my hospital bag and packed a separate bag with movies, my computer, and magazines, just in case I was going to get induced.  We knew we'd be in for a long induction if that were the case.  We grabbed some dinner on the way to the hospital for the same reason.

All my tests were fine.  I had no swelling, vision changes, no headaches.  There was no protein in my urine and no indication of anything going on with my liver or kidneys.  But my blood pressure was staying in the 130s so they decided to admit and induce.

As an aside, Friday night my blood pressure dropped back down to where it usually is, 106-110/65.

The oncall doctor flat out said to me "I wouldn't want to be induced if I were you either.  Not with such an unfavorable cervix.  Right now your chances of a C-section are 50%."  But I have to say, all the health care professionals I came across were ridiculously kind, supportive, and wonderful.  I was told multiple times they did not want to do a C-Section on me and we could keep the induction going as long as it took.  In fact, the oncall doctor told me they'd start me on Cytotec to soften my cervix and Saturday morning they'd bring me breakfast before starting Pitocin.


They applied the first Cytotec and four hours later my cervix was still semi-firm but I was dilated to 1 cm.  So they applied another Cytotec and we waited another four hours.  And this time there was no change.  The nurse didn't feel like things were progressing, but the on call doctor was encouraged by the dilation and wanted to start the pitocin right away.  No breakfast for me!


They started the pitocin and for 12 hours we waited.  At this point I was having contractions back to back, less than a minute apart, but it just felt like menstrual cramps since they weren't strong enough to be really doing anything.  In fact, after those 12 hours there was still no cervical change.  By this time I had been in the hospital for 24 hours.


The newest oncall doctor came in to talk to me about breaking my water.  I wasn't really receptive.  I told her I was worried that was going to put me on a timeline for a C-section since I needed to get the baby out in 24 hours.  Once again, I was assured there was no timeline.  I was hooked up to monitors and in the hospital and as long as I was okay and the baby was okay there was no need to rush into a C-section after 24 hours.  Plus they would do everything possible to avoid infection by not doing checks unless necessary.  And so they broke my water.  Which was really uncomfortable.

Those back to back contractions?  Now they were starting to feel like something and I couldn't even get a breather between the end of one and beginning of another.  So I got my first epidural.  Which worked great for about 3 hours - perfect.  I could feel and move my legs, toes, everything - just not the contractions. To be fair though, they were having trouble monitoring my contractions too.  And the baby's heart rate was staying nice and strong - but not accelerating or decelerating.  By this time I was on the third oncall doctor who wanted to insert an interuterine pressure catheter to keep an eye on the baby and the contractions.  J was not happy about this.  He pointed out they were trying to keep any cervical intrusion to a minimum to decrease the risk of infection and chance at C-Section.  But this doctor wasn't as go with the flow as the others.  He felt that I really wasn't making any progress and if I had my way I'd still be waiting to have the baby on Monday.  Luckily the baby's heart rate started showing accelerations and the pressure catheter was deemed unnecessary.


Shortly after that conversation I started feeling my contractions again.  First as mild pressure, then as full on contractions.  I'd pressed the "more more more" button to the max and no relief.  The anesthesiologist attempted to put in another bolster of the drug into my epidural.  No go.  He decided the catheter must have moved in the space and wasn't hitting the window it needed to, so he was going to have to redo it.  After the second epidural they checked me and I was at 7 cm. 

They got the room ready for me to push since I gone from 0 to 60 in about 3 hours. They called the negative oncall doctor and told him not to go back to sleep.  He came in to check on me quite surprised.  "Guess this baby wanted to prove you wrong."  I told him.

They let me rest and told me to let them know when I started to feel the urge to push.  When I called them back in about 40 minutes later I was at 9.5 cm.  They decided to let me "labor down" to 10, but then the baby's heart rate started decelerating down to the 50s with every contraction.  It would go right back up, but was being fairly consistent and they felt that I was a good pusher and could probably overcome the fact he hadn't reached pushing station.  So they got everything set and I was now at 10 cm anyway so we were on our way. 

They set up the squatting bar onto the bed and tied a sheet on the middle.  With each contraction I pulled myself up the sheet as though I were climbing a rope as I pushed.  The second epidural had started to wear off at this point, so I was feeling that pressure feeling every time I had a contraction.  At this point I didn't mind because it helped me know when to push.


40 minutes later, at 2:42am on October 2, Muppet made his way into the world with his cord wrapped around his neck twice.  NICU was there because of the decels and because of some meconium present in my bloody show so he was taken over by them for some aspiration. With everything that was going on, we didn't even know the sex of the baby so I sent J over to the NICU team to check it out.  Muppet was a boy!



He weighed 7lbs 6.5 oz and was 20 inches long.  He scored an 8/9 on his apgar.


Muppet was placed on my chest for some bonding and feeding while the doctor delivered the placenta and sewed me back up.  By this time the epidural had worn off again and the sewing me back up part was really uncomfortable and felt like it took forever!





During the "recovery" period, Muppet's respiration was a little fast.  They checked his oxygen saturation which was fine, but they wanted to keep an eye on his breathing, just in case.  They brought us up to the post partum floor and Muppet was taken to the Observation Unit for pretty much that - observation.  J and I used the time to get some sleep and a couple hours later our little boy was brought back to us.



We spent all of Sunday in the hospital "recovering" which really wasn't bad at all.  Because Muppet was taken to the IOU my chart had us marked down as a "separation" and I got an extra visit with a lactation consultant.  Which was nice because Muppet wasn't a huge fan of breast feeding at first.  He didn't like having to do work to eat - which is proof he takes after his father.  He would latch on, then look up at me like - "Okay I'm here, now what?"  

One of the rare pictures of J sleeping in the hospital.  He refused to sleep because he just wanted to hold his son.  We finally worked out a compromise where I'd stay awake and keep an eye on him while they slept.


I didn't have any sort of post partum pain or severe bleeding so we got the okay to be discharged on Monday. 

The hospital brought us sparkling cider to celebrate


The drive home was nerve-wracking.  Not because of the new baby in the car, but because there was a freeway shooter.  Some guy who was driving up the freeway and just shooting at cars.  The police had closed most of the major freeways and what should have been a 20 minute drive home ended up taking an hour and a half.  But we eventually got home and settled in.  Ready for our next big adventure in raising the Muppet.

Muppet in his coming home outfit





The total roundup:
Total weight gain/loss: +20
Next Appointment: Wednesday October 5
Stretch marks: nada.
Gender: Boy
Belly Button in or out: In - it never popped!


No 40 week picture since I didn't make it there, but I subbed in a 39 weeker instead:


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

38 weeks, 1 day

 Let's Tidy Up The Nursery!







The nursery has been complete for a while now, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to share how it all turned out.  Especially since I have nothing new to report.  At my checkup last week Muppet still hadn't dropped, and my cervix was long and closed.  According to my doc, my cervix is "trying to soften" making it medium - not hard, but not soft. 

So instead of boring you with the fact that this pregnancy is at a standstill, I'll take you on a nursery tour.  It started with this:

A painting I had picked up about 2 years ago at an Art Festival.  I love this picture, from a series entitled "Little Buddies."  It used to hang in our living room, but it just seems so perfect for a baby's room.  Especially a first baby's room since it has a mommy bird, daddy bird, and baby bird.  Once we knew we were expecting, we went back to the artist and purchased a couple more prints from the series to hang on the wall.  
From there, the plan was to use the colors in the painting for the rest of the room.  Red/Blue/Orange and Green sheets and accessories.  But then I found this bedding:


And it seemed so perfect.  It used a lot of the colors from the painting - subbing in yellow for the red, but still keeping neutral.  The bumper and crib will, of course, be removed leaving a sheet covered in orange, green, yellow and blue leaves.  Finding the sheet set led us to our next nursery inspiration:

A tree wall decal!  We had to compromise a bit on this.  J wanted something really realistic, and I wanted something rounder/more cartoony.  This fell a little in the middle and we got to pick all the colors.  So we used the three main colors in the sheets - blue, orange, and green, and used them to match green leaves and blue and orange birds.  (There are some blue and orange squirrels at the base of the tree too that didn't get captured in this photo)
By this point, we had officially embraced the "bird" theme.  And my similarly themed shower had different birdhouses as centerpieces.  I was urged to take them home with me and we decided to add them to the room as decor.


And for the remainder of the tour......
There's my "nursing corner."




We both love this glider and spend lots of time hanging out in it.  Already.  And the baby isn't even here!  I've got a table beside for burp cloths, water, and underneath is a bin filled with nursing pads, extra boppy covers, cream, everything you could need for nursing within arms reach of the chair.
And the "changing station."


The top drawer of the dresser holds diapers, wipes, extra burp cloths, diaper cream, an extra changing pad cover and refills for the diaper genie.  The middle drawer has bibs, socks, caps, and some gorgeous sweaters made for this baby.  The bottom drawer holds sheets and sleep sacks - bedtime stuff.

And for all those who didn't think you could buy clothes without knowing the sex of the baby?

This is most of it, but not all.  I'm missing a yellow, but I've got red, orange, green, blue, brown, black, white, and grey all represented!



Total weight gain/loss: +20
Next Appointment: Friday, September 23. 
Maternity clothes? yes
Stretch marks: nada. 
Sleep: I've actually been sleeping this week up until about 5am.  Then I wake up and I'm up, no getting back to sleep.
Best moment this week: Baby shopping.  I love shopping period.  Doesn't matter who it's for!
Movement: Not slowing down at all.  Still all the time.  The latest favorite is Muppet pushing his/her butt as hard as humanly possibly out my stomach.  It hurts!
Food cravings: Nothing 
Food aversions: Nothing 
Gender: Tell you in October! 
Belly Button in or out: in.  I'm tempted to think it may stay this way.
What I miss:  Not feeling bruised from the inside. 
What I am looking forward to:  Pumpkin Ale.  And I'm really hoping that there will be SOMETHING going on at my next appointment. 
Contractions: Nope. 
Milestones:
Dem bones, dem bones are starting to harden.
Baby Names: Let's take names we know and add random letters!
Boy: Dagvid
Girl: Shennifer

Thursday, September 15, 2011

37 weeks, 2 days

Raising Trouble

This week's class?  "Baby Care Basics."  Which is important because we've never raised a baby before.  A lot of people are concerned they're not going to be good parents.  One of J's coworkers gave us a very helpful piece of advice:  Babies are very hard to break.  Which is good to keep in mind given that my number 1 parenting concern is breaking the baby.  They just seem so fragile!  Little bodies, little bones, and a skull that hasn't quite hardened yet. 

Other concerns include how to get the baby to calm - especially since I had colic as a baby.  Which apparently was traumatizing for my parents.  It got so bad the doctors gave them a mild sedative to give me, so they could get a few hours of peace.  They spent the entire time sitting beside my crib, watching to make sure I was breathing because they weren't use to me not screaming.  It was the last time they used it.
 
The class spent time teaching us about how to diaper and dress a baby, how to bathe a baby, and importantly, how to calm a baby.
We were shown the cult favorite "The Happiest Baby on the Block" video.  Now we're debating about whether we should get a copy or whether seeing it in class was enough.  I have friends that have been extolling its virtues and the elements make sense.  We practiced the 5 S's:
 
Swaddle - keeping the baby wrapped up in a blanket, simulating the womb.  We practiced a couple of swaddling techniques and we're all stocked up on swaddling blankets at home.

Side - lying the baby on their side and finding the sweet spot angle.  I don't recommend the rationale behind this one, but whatever, it's easy to try.

Shush - Shushing as loudly as you can in the baby's ear.  Like white noise, or the wind, or the ocean.  We'll probably try a modified version of this because I'm worried about blowing or moisture in the ear.  (Modified meaning beside the baby's ear instead of directly into)

Swing - This one is a misnomer.  J remembers it as "shimmy" which is probably a better description of jiggling or bouncing the baby.  Because really, you're not swinging as much as shimmying.  

Suck - Use of a pacifier.  Which I'm a fan of anyway because both J and I were thumb suckers waaaaaaay past the point it was cool to be a thumb sucker.  We're hoping the whole theory that it's easier to wean from a pacifier than a thumb holds true for Muppet.
 
If we can get through the baby stage, I think raising Muppet is going to be cake.  I'm not concerned about our ability to parent mostly because J and I are on the same page about just about everything.  Which I think is the most important part of parenting.  No mixed signals and solidarity.   A united front against what will surely be a child who is determined to give us trouble.  After all, both J and I were quite a handful as kids.  We can expect nothing less of our progeny.


Total weight gain/loss: +16
Next Appointment: Friday, September 16  
Maternity clothes? yes
Stretch marks: nada. 
Sleep: Still not getting it - but J isn't either.  Luckily we take turns not sleeping.  Which is probably good practice.
Best moment this week: Hitting full term.  Is there a better feeling?
Movement: lots and lots and lots of it - hiccups 3 times a day, pushes, kicks, thumps, the works.
Food cravings: Nothing 
Food aversions: Nothing 
Gender: Tell you in October! 
Belly Button in or out: in.  I'm tempted to think it may stay this way.
What I miss:  Not going to the bathroom 3 times in an hour.
What I am looking forward to:  only a couple more weeks.  I'm looking forward to meeting Muppet.
Contractions: Nope. 
Milestones:
Full term baby!  At 37 weeks the important stuff is developed.  Now it's just a matter of Muppet putting on some weight and getting a little more brain wrinkles.
Baby Names: Bad Biblical Folk!
Boy: Lucifer
Girl: Delilah

Saturday, September 10, 2011

36 weeks, 4 days

Mammary Mama

This week we attended our breast feeding course.  I knew I was going to try breastfeeding from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Not for any "breast is best" reason, but because I've been lugging around D-cups for too many years.  Finally I felt like these babies might serve a rational purpose other than making it difficult to fit into button up shirts.
Breast feeding was pretty much the norm in my family anyway.  After all, before emigrating to this country, my maternal great great grandmother was a wet nurse.  And probably came from a line of wet nurses.  We produce milk in my family.  

However, one of the things that always bugs me about breast feeding is the constant derogation of women who don't breastfeed.  I think this goes along with my whole "my body, my choice" philosophy of life.  But I hate when women are made to feel bad or inferior for formula feeding.  After all - no one wants a sick baby, every mother is doing what they think is best for their child.  


My other important "breastfeeding philosophy" is set yourself up for success.  Which is why we were taking the class.  I'd heard breastfeeding isn't always easy.  And I have a low pain tolerance, so I want to make sure I know everything about it and am doing it right.  The class was filled with information - almost too much.  I think it might have been a bit more effective as a two-day class because of all the information.  But we practiced positions, talked about how to make sure the baby is getting enough, got to look at various pumps and bras, and even how to deal with problems as they arose.

So am I now an expert in breastfeeding?  Not really.  Am I certain I'm going to be a success?  Also not really.  But I do feel more confident in my decision and I know I have a great arsenal behind me in both knowledge and support (and of course those D cups which have already showed they're ready by expanding a cup size).


Total weight gain/loss: +16
Next Appointment: Friday, September 16  
Maternity clothes? yes
Stretch marks: nada. 
Sleep: I've given up - especially with this heat!
Best moment this week: Nothing really baby related. We had an excellent date night last night.  We're trying to fit those in a bit more because we know it'll be a bit before we can enjoy nights with just the two of us once Muppet gets here.
Movement: lots and lots and lots of it.
Food cravings: Nothing 
Food aversions: Nothing 
Gender: Tell you in October! 
Belly Button in or out: in.  I'm tempted to think it may stay this way.
What I miss: Wine again.  (whine again?)  I keep thinking how much I'd just love a nice glass of red.
What I am looking forward to:  Being full term!
Contractions: Nope. 
Milestones:
1 month left!
Baby Names: Disease Names!
Boy: Becker
Girl: Addison

 

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

35 weeks, 1 day



35/35!  We're there!



This is another one of those fabulous numbers.  Not that it means much, it's just fun.  35 weeks in, 35 days to go.  Although today technically it's 35/34, but really that's not as fun a number.

So at our last appointment, the doctor confirmed what I had been thinking, Muppet is definitely head down.  I had a feeling based on the location of the hiccups, the foot that keeps popping up on my left and the butt that pokes out on my right.  I have a feeling Muppet is probably chilling like this:





Muppet is still sitting high though, although at this stage that's not entirely worrying.  We are also officially at the point where I'm up to weekly visits.  Scary right?  Scarier is that I only have 4 of them left.  4 doctor's appointments before Muppet is supposed to make his or her grand arrival.



We spent the weekend attending a birth prep class.  It was long, but covered a lot of information.  We went over everything that happens during labor, from the first "meh I feel kind of under the weather" all the way through "I'm sorry I'm pushing what out of where?"  We worked on different breathing techniques - slow, medium, and panting.  And we went over what to pack in our hospital bags, which was also helpful. 


We took a tour of the hospital, so I got to see where Muppet will actually make that big arrival, although we also covered how to deliver the baby in a car just in case (does the thought of this scare anyone else?).  We talked about the different medication choices, both before labor (like an induction), during labor (both systemic and epidurals), and going completely without.  One of the things I really liked about the class was that she didn't make it seem as though any choices were "bad" or "wrong."


We went over different laboring positions and I love the fact that the hospital I'll be giving birth in is so flexible with positions.  They keep birthing balls in the room, as well as squatting bars, and each L&D room has a shower in case you want to do some laboring in water.


Having so few appointments left, knowing Muppet is getting ready, and having completed the birth class makes me so excited for Muppet to get here already!


Total weight gain/loss: +16
Next Appointment: Thursday, September 8
Maternity clothes? yes
Stretch marks: nada. 
Sleep: I've given up.
Best moment this week:  So superficial, but we pretty much finished up the nursery last night, just need to hang the artwork.  After we just sat in there and looked at everything.
Movement: lots and lots and lots of it.
Food cravings: Nothing 
Food aversions: Nothing 
Gender: Tell you in October! 
Belly Button in or out: in.  J doesn't think it'll last this way much longer.
What I miss: This week it's mostly just not being hot all the time!  But that's a combination of weather and pregnancy.
What I am looking forward to:  Next week is 36 weeks which seems like another big milestone!
Contractions: Nope. 
Milestones:
35/35
Muppet is head down
Birthclass!
Baby Names: Designer Names
Boy: Armani
Girl: Chanel

Thursday, August 25, 2011

34 weeks, 2 days

 Babymoon!

J and I spent the weekend and early part of the week in Cannon Beach, Oregon as our last trip away before Muppet makes a grand arrival.  It's crazy to think this is our last trip just the two of us for quite some time.  I won't say ever, because we are definitely planning on taking some time away without kids in the future.  I think it's good for any marriage for the grownups to have alone time to reconnect.

We chose Cannon Beach because it was a short plane flight from home.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with this pregnancy.  I fear that any morning now I'm going to wake up miserable, sore, uncomfortable, etc. and when we booked this trip I had no idea how I was going to feel at 34 weeks.  Our second reason for choosing Cannon Beach was because it was simply gorgeous.  I'd heard fabulous things about the Oregon Coast, and this proved to have just about everything we could want in a trip.

We were able to really relax and enjoy ourselves on the trip.  It was absolutely perfect, one of the best trips we've had in a long time.

We spent time walking along the beach beside the famed "Haystack Rock" which would disappear and reappear as the fog rolled in and out. We had dinner overlooking the rock, and when the weather got gloomy our last night there we curled up in bed in front of our fireplace and watched Haystack Rock and the beach from our room.

 
We got to sample some of the local brew.  We went to a tavern where J sampled all their beers.  Not that I would have taken part anyway, but I loved the sign that warned all about the dangers of drinking and incubating.

Instead, I partook in another of the tavern's brews - root beer!  In general I don't love root beer, but this was the best I've ever had.  It was sweet, with just the barest anise bite.  Plus it made me feel like a grownup to be drinking something dark and cold out of a pint glass.  And Muppet loooooooved this root beer.  I'm guessing this because of the crazy movement that was going on while we sat and drank.

 
We went on a 3 mile hike that felt longer because it was all uphill.  Given that we were warned it was "treacherous"  and that it was a fairly strenuous hike, J was pretty impressed with my ability to take part.  Of course it helped that I'm sure we were going barely above a snail's pace. I'm going to be so excited to get back to a normal person's speed again.  And the hike gave us a view of Tillamook Lighthouse.


 It was only a couple days, but a fantastic break from "real life."  We're already planning return trips - with the Muppet!


Total weight gain/loss: +14
Next Appointment: Friday, August 26
Maternity clothes? All week
Stretch marks: nada. 
Sleep: I woke up Saturday night with the WORST piriformis cramp that I just could get out - even with lots of foam rollering.  Sunday night I had a fabulous night's sleep.  And it's been back to crappy ever since.  Lots of mid-night insomnia.
Best moment this week:  Definitely the babymoon!  Specifically walking along the beach with J and just feeling so relaxed and happy.
Movement: lots and lots and lots of it.
Food cravings: Nothing 
Food aversions: Nothing 
Gender: Tell you in October! 
Belly Button in or out: in.  J doesn't think it'll last this way much longer.
What I miss: When we travel it's always the alcohol.  But this week it was also the inability to really take advantage of our inroom oversized soaking tub.
What I am looking forward to:  35/35.  Just a few more days!
Contractions: Nope. 
Milestones:
Baby is practicing suckling.  Hopefully Muppet is going to get good at this.
Last plane flight for the pregnancy.
Baby Names: Place Names
Boy: Hoboken (Hobie for short)
Girl: Hannah Lulu