16 weeks, 1 day

Well we are almost officially completely out.  All of my friends know I’m pregnant.  For some odd reason, J still hasn’t told any of his friends, except his two closest.  He was much more eager to tell his coworkers.  So they all know.  And of course, now everyone has advice for him.  Including the fact that they all want to know the sex.  Seems to be a recurrent trend.  We’re going to have a lot of disappointed friends.  As for me, I’m still keeping it quiet at work.  Yesterday one of my coworkers came in to tell me he was leaving.  We talked about how it might increase my caseload and I confided in him that I think they’re hesitant to send me new cases at this point because I’m pregnant.  He was shocked.  But supportive.  Later yesterday I told the receptionist when we had a similar conversation.  It’s weird now that some people know and some don’t.  Part of me thinks that probably everyone knows now, and is just waiting till I tell them.  My office is fairly gossipy like that.

I also “came out” online – via my blog and the internet message boards I post on.  Nothing to flashy and showy, it’s not my style.  The whole “announcing” thing is just very awkward in general for me.

So that’s what’s going on outside, let’s move to what’s going on inside:

1)      I may have started feeling movement.  I can’t really tell.  The first feeling was in the middle of the night.  J had got up to go to the bathroom, and I felt like a kickflip inside of me.  I wasn’t sure if it was real, or if I was even awake.  That was the most drastic.  Since then, there have been little fish like tickling if I lie very still…sometimes.  If I concentrate on them, they go away. Once when I was standing and talking to J I told him it’s hard to realize there’s something growing inside me since I don’t see or feel any different.  I told Muppet it would be helpful if there was some movement, and I started getting the flutters again!  Maybe.  It’s hard to tell if it’s internal or not, it’s so faint it’s like a breeze blowing across my stomach.

2)      Now that Muppet has working ears, J and I have started reading to the belly each night.  We’re currently reading “Cricket in Times Square” because J had never read it as a child.  We take turns with the different chapters.  We’re almost done though, so now I need to figure out if we read the next book in the series or move on to something completely different.

3)      I definitely started showing.  And it’s not the same place as my bloat, although it’s higher than my uterus.  I’m thinking it’s probably the organs all moving up and out, but still.  I went from nothing (well – never nothing.  I think there may have been one day in 1995 my stomach was completely flat) to a round belly literally over the span of a day.  I stood up from my desk after work one day, and there it was.  Which makes things interesting at work since I’m trying to keep it quiet.  I find myself carrying things in front of my belly like characters on tv trying to hide their pregnancy.  Personally, I still find myself feeling “fat looking” and not “pregnant.”  J has been fantastic at telling me (without prompting) that I don’t look fat at all – definitely pregnant, no mistake. Which makes me feel better, even if I’m not convinced. 

Total weight gain/loss: +2

Next Appointment: Tuesday, April 26
Maternity clothes? Not yet.  Sticking it out with the bella band.
Stretch marks: nada.
Sleep: Good nights and bad nights.  Last night I slept all the way through, but the night before I didn’t sleep at all.
Best moment this week: Telling Muppet to move around, and then maybe feeling movement?
Movement: Maybe? 
Food cravings: Nothing

Food aversions: Nothing
Gender: Tell you in October!
Belly Button in or out: in
What I miss: My Friday night glasses of wine.  Being able to run a 10 minute mile without huffing and puffing.

What I am looking forward to: Real honest to goodness movement.

Contractions: Maybe?  But WAY too high, so maybe not.  I was walking and got really tight across my upper abdomen.  This was back when the only pregnant part of me was right above my pubic bone, about 6 inches lower.  I have no idea if this was a BH or not because the location was all off.
Milestones:
- Being out in the open – almost

- starting to show

14 weeks, 2 days

This is another one of those in betweener weeks.  Not much new to share unfortunately.  I swear this pregnancy is one of those “hurry and wait” situations.  There is so much time when there is nothing going on.  No appointments, no symptoms, no movement, no sleep!  And apparently no sleep makes me more of a cranky bitch than I already am.  It’s hard to believe but J has literally said to me he hopes I start getting some good sleep.  And the crankiness isn’t even aimed at him!

I told a couple of my closest friends last weekend.  Which was good, and awkward.  I really hate telling people – I mean, I love them knowing, but I just don’t know what to say after I tell them I’m pregnant and there’s that beat where they’re processing it.  Or how to work it into a conversation.  I also told my boss and the senior associate at work.  There’s something interesting about the shock that comes after the statement.  No one seems to have guessed.  Part of me loves that, the fact that no one had a clue.  Part of me feels like that makes the whole thing surreal.  I mean, I get it, I don’t necessarily “look pregnant.”  I’m not really showing. And aside from the fact I’m the sober sister at dinner not much has changed.  But I have this fear that now that people know things are going to go wrong.  And most days I don’t really “feel pregnant” so having people be so surprised sometimes makes me second guess myself. 

Total weight gain/loss: +2

Next Appointment: Tuesday, April 26
Maternity clothes? Not yet.  Sticking it out with the bella band.
Stretch marks: nada.
Sleep: Back to waking up all night throughout the night.  Last week was a tease.
Best moment this week: Having the Senior Associate hug me when she found out.  I was not expecting a positive reaction from her at all.
Movement: Only my own.
Food cravings: Nothing

Food aversions: Nothing
Gender: Tell you in October!
Belly Button in or out: in
What I miss: My Friday night glasses of wine.  Being able to run a 10 minute mile without huffing and puffing.

What I am looking forward to: Telling some of my besties this weekend!

Contractions: Yee gods I hope not!
Milestones:
- Telling my boss and superiors at work.

13 weeks 3 days

Officially the second trimester, no matter how you count it!

So the weekend trip went well.  In terms of shopping, clothing was a bit of a disappointment, though I did manage to pick up a couple of skirts which will fit nicely under my bump whenever it gets high enough so that wearing a skirt below it isn’t obscene. 

AND I got my beloved diaper bag!  Yay!  Or rather, my mom got it for me.  I talked her out of buying clothes for the baby at a boutique, but couldn’t say no when she offered to get something for me.  I’m already a selfish mother.

Monday we went in for my first prenatal visit with my OB/GYN.  I’ve been seeing her for years, so she was so excited for me.  And she got to meet J.  She gave him a look – “How tall are you?”  and then predicted we would be having a very long baby.  I told her I was hoping it wouldn’t be a big baby too, and she said babies tend to take after their mothers.  Under 7lbs, here we come!!!!!  And she also thinks it’s completely possible that muppet could be late and make his/her arrival on October 7.

She warned me that since muppet is still small, it might take her a while to find the heartbeat with the Doppler.  Nope.  That bugger started pounding just as soon as she laid it to my skin.  My muppet is ever so cooperative.  She told me it was fast, strong, and healthy.

Wednesday I had my bloodwork done.  I was not looking forward to this due to my INTENSE FEAR OF NEEDLES.  I told the phlebotomist about my fear and that I would probably cry.  He shouldn’t take it personally.  7 vials of blood later,  (7!!!!!) and I only cried a little bit.  I had my eyes closed the whole time and the phlebotomist coached me on “almost done”  “just one vial left.”

Later that day I had my first “real pregnant girl” experience.  J was driving us home from work, when all of a sudden, I knew I was going to be sick.  I started searching frantically around the car for a bag of some sort.  Thank goodness I had brought cookies into work and had one left in an oversized ziplock.  Sorry solitary cookie, you were sacrificed for the greater good.  It’s the first (and so far only) time I have thrown up during this pregnancy.  In the car, on the freeway, while J was driving.  My mom thinks it probably had more to do with how stressed I was about the scary needles, but I still feel like I have finally joined the club.

Now that we have officially reached the second trimester, I’ve begun telling all my friends.  I freaked out my friend M on Monday.  Yesterday I emailed some other friends, including one who is on the same month board as me.  She was shocked.  Which must mean my incognito skills are incredible.  I should probably apply to be the next Mata Hari.  Tonight I tell one of my best friends, and tomorrow I tell another.  Sunday I’ll call my friend who lives on the other side of the world (or Washington D.C.).

Total weight gain/loss: +2

Next Appointment: Tuesday, April 26
Maternity clothes? Not yet.  Sticking it out with the bella band.
Stretch marks: nada.
Sleep: I had 2 nights of good, uninterrupted sleep this week.  Which is twice as many as I have had since January!
Best moment this week: At our appointment Monday when the doctor found the heartbeat and said “the baby’s still alive!”  She was joking with me because I told her I worry between appointments.
Movement: Only my own.
Food cravings: Nothing

Food aversions: Nothing
Gender: Tell you in October!
Belly Button in or out: in – although J says it’s getting shallower.  Yes, we are those people who stick our fingers in the other person’s belly button.
What I miss: My Friday night glasses of wine.  Being able to run a 10 minute mile without huffing and puffing.

What I am looking forward to: Telling some of my besties this weekend!

Contractions: Yee gods I hope not!
Milestones:
- Hearing the heartbeat again.
- Getting my blood work done and out of the way.

- Telling HR at work.  Now all that’s left is my boss and my coworkers. (Yipes!)

- Throwing up.  Does this one count? It makes me feel pretty official.

12 weeks, 3 days

12 weeks along and I have nothing new to share!  Everything is pretty much status quo.  My health/lack of symptoms remains the same, except I am definitely beginning to show in my *stage whispers* girl parts.  I can actually see my uterus, or what I assume is my uterus because that part right below your belly, at your pubic bone level?  It now pops out into a neat little bump.  Which I realized was a problem last night when I attempted to try on bathing suits for our weekend trip.  The bathing suit I got last September?  The bottom no longer fits.  Well, it does, in some sort of grotesque “how much skin do you want to be showing” way.  Boo. 

I guess that’s the big news for the week – we’re going away this weekend.  We’ll be doing some shopping while we’re away and I’m going to try my luck at finding a deal on maternity jeans.  I don’t think I need them yet, but if I can get them for a good price it might be worth the investment.  I’m also getting my long awaited and promised Kate Spade Baby Bag.  I know.  I’m a brand whore.  But I love those bags and wanted one long before I was pregnant.  Except, it would look weird to carry around a baby bag without a baby. 

Also – I scheduled my bloodwork for next Wednesday.  I have to fast for 12 hours before the test, so I tried to be smart and make it as early as I possibly could (that way I could sleep for most of the 12 hours).  Except I am now realizing that means no food for me after 7:45pm the night before.  And no breakfast either.  Honestly, I have some severe difficulty going for 2 hours without eating.  This might be the hardest part of the pregnancy so far.

In other news, now that we’ve started telling people I’m starting to chicken out and get cold feet.  It has nothing to do with superstition, or having to untell people.  But for some reason I get really nervous about telling anyone.  Like it makes me a giant attention whore, or like they’re going to be weird about the whole thing.  And don’t even get me started about having to tell my boss!  I’m at the point where I’d rather not tell anyone anything, but I think that’s going to make things really awkward in a couple months when there’s more than just a little bump at pelvic level.  Although it could be fun to see how uncomfortable people get, wondering if I’m pregnant or just really letting myself go. “Oh that Fraglette, she used to be such a cute thing – have you seen how fat she’s getting?”  “Well of course!  Haven’t you noticed she eats like every 2 hours?”

11 weeks, 1 day

Keeping a secret

  

This might be the hardest secret in the world to keep. I’m incredibly superstitious, and even though I know in my head that telling people something doesn’t make bad things happen, it’s hard to convince my heart of that.  Add to that the fact that a friend had a bad experience with telling too soon and then miscarrying, it only doubles my reasons to keep it quiet.

The original plan was to wait until the second trimester, and tell everyone in person.  We already had plans to visit J’s family for Easter and we live close to my family.  The problem is, Easter is very late this year.  April 24 to be exact.  I hit the second trimester right around March 29, almost a month before.  It’s hard enough keeping the secret for 13 weeks, but for another 3?  So we decided to compromise. We’d tell earlier, just not in person.  The big news goes down tomorrow.

Step 1:  J’s parents always send us a card for every holiday, we may even get one for Arbor Day.  We just received a St. Patrick’s Day card from them this weekend.  We tend to stick to the basic “card” holidays – Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother/Father’s Day, and Birthdays.  But we figured they wouldn’t be suspicious of receiving a St. Patrick’s Day card from us.  We got one that talked about magic, stuck a sonogram picture on the inside of the card and wrote this little poem below:

There’s magic in springtime, as everyone hears,

But truth is, there’s magic throughout all the year.

The summer brings lightness, the winter brings snow,

October brings 10 little fingers and toes.

I hope they figure it out, but I have my worries.

Step 2:  Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday, so we’re all getting together for dinner.  Going along with the “card” theme we seemed to have developed, we got my mom a “Happy Birthday Grandma” card.  It talks about why every child needs a grandmother.  The card alone wouldn’t signify anything to her, my brother has a history of giving strange, inappropriate cards (like Congratulations on your new house!).  So, once again, the sonogram picture is going to go on the inside of the card and hopefully that will be a big clue.  I’ll have my camera at the ready, and I’m hoping for a camera-worthy reaction.

Step 3: My grandmother is the oldest living member of our family.  I wanted to make sure we had a special way to tell her before the rest of the family found out.  BUT I wanted to make sure she didn’t know before our parents, because frankly, I feared she would spoil tomorrow night’s surprise.  I’ve been working this past week with Jamie at The Dainty Ampersand to design a nesting necklace to be sent to my grandmother with this note:

Almost ___ years ago you gave your first grandchild a necklace to commemorate her birth.  She thought it was time to return the favor.  J and I think this necklace is going to look great on you, come October.

The necklace itself consists of three discs, each depicting a role.  The top disc says “mom”, the middle disc has our version of “grandma”, and the bottom disc says “great grandmother.”  I can’t speak to the finished product yet, but Jamie has been wonderful to work with, going above and beyond to make sure the necklace arrives in a timely manner, but not too timely (if you catch my drift).

In other news, it happened this week.  I finally “feel” pregnant.  I can’t describe in exact words what that means.  But all of a sudden on Monday I became just ever so aware of my uterus.  Different than bloat, and not like cramping, but almost as if I could actually feel it expanding and pressing outward, like there was something in there.  And part of me feels like this is ridiculous.  We’re past the microscopic stage, but things down there are still too small for me to actually be feeling something.  My uterus is growing and expanding, but not at some sort of rapid “you won’t like me when I’m mad” type of transformation.  And yet, I can feel it.  I do feel different.  It’s the first time I haven’t felt “normal” in the past 11 weeks. And I kind of like that.  A reminder that something is going on.

10 weeks, 2 days

Bloat

Shortly the 7 week mark, the bloat began taking on a life of it’s own.  I’d be perfectly fine all morning, and then in the late afternoon I could feel the waistband on my pants start digging into my midsection.  Uncomfortable.  It got to the point where I had to undo the top button.  Klassy.  I texted J and told him that I needed to go to the gym more and/or pick up a bella band.  He replied that I looked beautiful.  Which of course was the correct reply, but not very useful. 

After some research I decided to try to the actual bella band as opposed to the Target knockoff.  A bella band is basically a stretchy tube of fabric that fits over your waistband of your pants to hide the fact that your pants are no longer buttoned.  It’s fashioned to look like a tank top, if it were seen poking out from under your shirt.  The goal is to keep wearing your non-maternity pants for as long as they fit over your hips and thighs.  My goal for the authentic bella band was detoured by my laziness.  Since we were already at mall, I stopped into Motherhood Maternity and picked up their version of the band, called the tummy stocking.  I’ve been wearing it fairly consistently, and I’m not in love.  It just doesn’t stay where it’s supposed to.  I think there are 3 reasons for this: 1) It’s a knockoff, and sometimes you get what you pay for. 2) It’s one-size-fits-all, unlike the actual sized bella bands. 3) I’m still not really big enough for it yet.

After two weeks, the entire thing was shredded and fraying.  I ended up picking up the real Bella Band this weekend, but have only worn it once, since I don’t really need it when I wear my work skirts (and therefore have been wearing work skirts quite a bit.)  It definitely fits more snugly and doesn’t move around as much, although at this point it’s hard to say whether that’s due to composition or because my bloat is bigger this week. 

This bloating is really crazy.  I love that we’re taking weekly pictures, because it makes it all the more evident this is bloat not baby.  For instance, last week, at my 9 week pictures, the bloat was all but gone.  J looked at the picture and said “HOLY BOOBS” because my stomach had shrunk, but the breasts? Not so much.  Which only makes them look bigger.  Last night we took a picture again and a week later my breasts look less big because my stomach sticks out more.

The bloating still happens mostly at night, though will definitely kick in after I eat.  J and I went out to dinner, and by the end of the night it looked like I might have swallowed portions of my meal without chewing.  And my meal might have consisted of a medicine ball.  The bloat is all upper stomach, which makes me wonder if that’s where eventually I’m going to start showing.  If so I am definitely going to be carrying high!

9 weeks

Meet the Muppet! 

Today was my first appointment.  Finally, we were going to get to make sure there was really something growing in there. 

J and I were both nervous and excited about the appointment.  There's always that fear that something is going to go wrong.  Last night I had a heart to heart with Muppet.  I told him how excited we were to meet him and warned about the transvaginal ultrasound.  "We're going to be seeing you" I said.  "So you better put on a show."

The first half of the appointment was mostly talking.  The nurse practitioner went over our information, and went over the packet detailing the rest of my prenatal visits.  She talked about the various tests available and when they would be performed if we chose. We talked about my lack of symptoms, and she reassured me that everything was probably fine because I did have symptoms, even if they weren't the crazy vomiting, fatigue, or craving kind.

And then it was time for the ultrasound.  Almost as soon as she put the wand in, she said "there's the heartbeat!"  I had no idea what she was looking at. 

J saw it immediately. "Holy crap, there it is!" 

Me: WHERE?????? 

At this point I told the NP my dirty little secret, I can never see anything on ultrasounds.  When I look at them, I usually nod my head and say "ooohhh a baby" but I don't really see anything there.  She told me just to listen, and she turned up the sound.  "Wooshwoosh/wooshwoosh/wooshwoosh"  Although I couldn't see a heartbeat, I could certainly hear one.  J whipped out a phone so we could record the sound.  The two of us have been playing it over and over again all day.  J even looks at the ultrasound picture when he plays it.

Then the NP moved in for the kill shot, a close up of our little Muppet.  And I could actually SEE something.  I pointed at the screen and said "Is that the head?"  It wasn't.  I told you I'm terrible at this.  She got a little closer and pointed out the head, the body, and Muppet's little arms.  Then she pointed out the little flicker which is the heart.  AND I SAW IT! 

I told her about my conversation last night with Muppet, and about expecting a show.  As I said it, she looked at the screen and said "Look!  The baby's moving!"  And sure enough, Muppet's little body was rocking back and forth. 

"Do you think he's waving at us?"  I asked?  She told me that was definitely the case.  Afterwards, J told me it looked like the baby was twitching, but I prefer to think of it as waving.  All night J has been mimicing the movement telling me the baby has a twitch. Which really just makes him look like an idiot.  My baby is not twitchy.  Muppet just knows how to rock and roll.

J said it was a good sign that the baby was moving, because I wanted a show.  "That baby must really love you, to already be following your directions."

Because our families don't live in town, the NP printed us out a bunch of pictures so we could send them out to the future grandparents.  Both J and I have an obvious favorite, and that's the one I'll share with you.

And now, without further ado, I am proud to introduce you to

MUPPET!

(If you are as bad as I am with identifying fetal structures, Muppet's head is on the left, body on the right.  That's an eye in the middle of the head and a little arm poking out of the body.)